Speeding Ticket Hell

I am going to chronical the experience of getting a speeding ticket here in Arizona.  I can tell you, if I would have been given this list up front about what crap I'd have to go through I'd have just shot myself in the head.  But.. because it was hell one step at a time, I was able to slowly go insane rather than become overwhelmed all at once.

*Note*: Whenever calling the driving school, assume a 10-20 minute stint being on hold (even when not mentioned below)

1. Drive too fast on a road that is stupid-silly marked for slower than makes sense (Yes, that's my excuse.  I am discovering that I really don't do well with authority.  Didn't used to be like that but as I learn what Authority is and has become, I have almost zero respect for it).
2. Get a ticket and get treated like you're some sort of child rapist by the police officer that has serious issues involving the lack of love from his mother as a child.
3. Look up online how much the ticket will cost.
4. Have wife coax you up off the floor after fainting and assist you in taking large doses of meds for your migraine.
5. Panic when attempting to try and figure out how to come up with $200+ dollars in the family budget over the next month.
6. Discover that it just isn't going to happen.. so call court house, wait on phone, ask for an extension.
7. Get directed to a website where it gives you instructions on how to get an extension.
8. Get your printer at home to work with your laptop so that it can scan in documents and turn them into .pdf files (3 hours).
9. Scan your drivers license, scan your ticket.
10. Write a letter asking for an extension.
11. Print out your letter asking for an extension.
12. Sign the letter asking for an extension.
13. Take the letter, the drivers license scan and the ticket scan to work with you.
14. Fax all three items above to a number at the court house to request your extension.
15. Wait 3 days and then call between 9:00 am and 11:30 am on the third day after sending your fax to confirm that they received your request for an extension.
16. Get confirmation that your deadline now isn't until November 21st.  Take just a moment to catch your breath.
17. Discover that you can take an online driving school for $200+ (basically the same as the ticket) but if you do, they will throw the ticket out and you won't get any points or car insurance cost hike, etc.
18. Wait until about 2 weeks before the new November 21st deadline because you still aren't amazingly wealthy and it takes you that long to come up with $200 to pay for the online course.
19. Discover that most online courses have several built-in delays that will cause you to miss your November 21st deadline. (spend another 3 hours finding a course that will accept you enrolling only 10 days before the deadline of the ticket).
20. Sign up for your online course (zap... they are very eager to withdraw the funds out of your checking account/debit card).
21. Get told that you have to send the online driving course proof of your extension.
22. Contact the driving course and tell them that you do not have proof.  That you just talked to the court house on the phone and was verbally told it was approved.
23. Have driving school tell you that they will contact the court house on Monday (it is currently late on Friday) and get verbal confirmation themselves.
24. Call the driving school on Monday afternoon to ask about what happened with the verbal approval with the court house.  Be told by the driving school that they tried to call for two hours and that they will try again on Tuesday.
25. Inform the driving school that you know they are lying because the court house ALWAYS answers the phone within 1-2 minutes of calling.  That you are positive that no phone call was made to the court house and you are running out of time and getting frustrated.  Quick jerking my chain and just do your darn job!
26. Call the court house yourself (get through right away).. ask them about confirmation of the extension.  They say they need a fax number of the driving school and will send something right away.
27. Call the driving school right back and tell them you need a fax number for the court house to send the proof of extension.
28. Call the court house right back and give them the fax number.
29. Wait 30 minutes.
30. Call the driving school and ask if they received the fax.  Wait as they determine that they must send a supervisor to go find the fax machine and check (be on hold 20 minutes).
31. Find out that the fax of the extension has something hand written on it and it needs to be typed and it can not be accepted.
32. Find out from the driving school that they will just call on Tuesday for a verbal and that a fax isn't really even needed.  Make them promise and make their supervisor promise and it be noted in your file what supervisor said they will personally call the courthouse on Tuesday.
33. On Tuesday, call the driving school and see if they called the court house like they said they were going to do.
34. Find out that they did call the court house (after another hour of being on hold) but now it's past the 7 days deadline before the court deadline so they can't let me take the course.
35. Get access to the supervisors' supervisor and let them know that it is the driving courses fault that I'm past the 7 day before the court date deadline because they failed and lied about making phone calls and are the reason it was dragged out so far.
36. Agree to pay $20 for a 2 day express shipping of your certificate so you can get it to the local court house before your November 21st deadline.
37. Pay for the 2 day express over the phone with your debt card.
38. Get a waiver from the company policy and get them to unlock the computer program so that you can take the online driving school course.
39. Get home and start the driving course.
40. Log in - Have the course immediately lock you out because you are within the 7 day window before the court date.
41. Call the driving school back and explain everything from the beginning to the 9th person in the company and then get the supervisor's supervisor on shift at that moment; to contact tech support so they can bypass the computer auto-locks and unlock it so you can take the test (per your previous waiver).
42. Start the class.
43. See that the class is telling you that you only have a regular mail (2-8 days) set up and that you need to pay $20 for the 2 day express.
44. Contact the driving course company and confirm that you paid the $20 already.  Have them tell you that it's noted in your folder/account that it's paid for.  To just select regular(free) mailing so that you don't get charged twice.
45. Spend 4 hours taking an online class that is more a test of your ability to listen to someone say "beuler.. beuler.. beuler" over and over without falling asleep.
46. Finish the course.
47. Contact the driving course and just double check to make sure the 2 day express shipping is in fact going to happen.
48. Confirm that they screwed that up and have their supervisor's supervisor make sure that it's going to be the 2 day FedEx express shipment.. good thing you called or you would have missed the court deadline of November 21st.
49. Insist on a tracking number from FedEx.
50. Be told to call back the next day after 3pm so you can get a FedEx number.
51. Call back on the next day (again, don't forget being on hold 20 minutes each phone call) and get your FedEx tracking number (each time you get to explain everything from the beginning and/or let them spend 20 minutes reading the pages in your file of notes now).
52. Let 2 days pass until the Friday before the deadline (deadline is on Monday).
53. Call the court house to confirm they will be open until 5pm like their website and/or phone auto-recording says.
54. Get the FedEx delivery at 1:38 pm on Friday.
55. Jump in your car and drive 45 minutes to the court house.
56. Stand in line for 15 minutes.
57. Hand the lady the driving course certificate and a copy of your ticket.
58. Lady behind the bullet proof glass makes a photo copy and hands you back the original.
59. Lady tells you she will hand deliver the course certificate 'right now to the lady that needs it'.
60. Leave the court house wondering if the lady will actually do her job because everyone you ever meet never does their job and you're the one that gets screwed all the time.
61. Drive 45 minutes through traffic-hell back home.
62. Consider moving into the basement at work and selling your vehicles because this crap is bull.